I don't expect-- nor do I intend on boring any of you --since I'm really just bawling my feelings, but--
I've been upset with myself lately. Partly self-disappointment, and the other half is just...well, a friend of mine, who's never really treated me like a friend before. I never wanted to experience feelings of jealousy, but I can't really control it. Everyone admires her significantly, regardless of how they treat her. And I just hate myself for it. I know people can change, I know that--but I never really found the confidence to express that to her. Why? Because she's two-faced--I know what she's said behind my back before, and I never made it evident on my face of how exactly that affected me.
Last year, in a class, there was a project involving groups. She literally urged me out of our group since we had a little over the limit, claiming that I was "needed more by the others". The following week, a friend of mine secretly told me how she never intended on joining my group in the first place--she wanted to be alone with the other two so they could do the best and gain that bonus mark. Really? For a friggin' number? /:
She and I still work in group projects, but she always takes the role of writing the written, thinking parts--and aha, it is in no way beneficial on my part. I remember writing a goo paragraph in English once, and I sent it to her to check it out. She changed it all, and after it got marked, there were quite a few mistakes. In that "nice" facade she put on, she practically told me how it was my "error", OH BUT IT'S TOTALLY OKAY. Pft. Yeah right. /:
I've randomly broken down a couple of times this week, but I never really wanted to tell anyone. They had more important things to do.
I'm just frustrated. Upset. It just isn't describable.
Thanks for reading all the way through if you've reached this point.
I'm sorry I had to rant--I've just lost my patience after holding back for two years.